30 Funny Dog Quotes Every Dog Lover Will Relate To

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Every dog is a natural comedian. Thanks to that fact, canines have been immortalized in funny dog quotes throughout the ages. Some are confessions from a bygone era, while others celebrate the goofy antics of modern dogs. Whether old or new, we’ve rounded up some of our favorite funny dog quotes to share with you.

  1. “Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
  2. “The average dog is nicer than the average person.”—Andy Rooney
  3. “The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”—Charles De Gaulle
  4. “Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”—Corey Ford
  5. “The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.”—Samuel Butler
  1. “Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”—Franklin P. Jones
  2. “The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”—Ambrose Bierce
  3. “You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
  4. “It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
  5. “My fashion philosophy is, if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”—Elayne Boosler

  1. “Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
  2. “A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
  3. “Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen.”—Orhan Pamuk
  4. “Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”—Max Eastman
  5. “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”—Groucho Marx
  1. “Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
  2. “If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
  3. “When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
  4. “I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that dogs think humans are nuts.”—John Steinbeck
  5. “Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”—Franklin Jones
    1. ” If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.”—Phil Pastoret
    2. “A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
    3. “People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
    4. “A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
    5. “The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
  1. “Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
  2. “It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
  3. “Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
  4. “As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
  5. “Everything I know I learned from dogs.”—Nora Roberts

It’s hard to resist a dog’s goofy charm. Their company keeps things interesting, keeps us laughing, and brings a lot of extra love into our lives.

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